I am not the protagonist in this story, however, I am still going to write it because the world needs awareness. This is about a friend of mine. She suffered from a high level inferiority complex alongside an existential crisis, when we met. It took me some time to understand this but I did get her eventually.
The first day we met at our university, I didn’t even talk to her. I didn’t choose to be a shoulder for her, she chose me. Much like how a cat does. We met outside our English class, exchanged a hello and she stuck for a definite time period. We had a good run.
She was a middle child. She has a total of 3 brothers before her and 3 sisters after. Quite an army, her parents must have wanted, I guess. Anyhow, she always used to be scared of saying something even. She would recalculate each one of her word and cried at the minutest of things. If someone pointed out a bulge in her back, even in a group of friends, she’d hesitate sitting again with them. She kept too much in her heart.
In the start, it was a lot for me. I am a single child so for me it was a bit difficult to actually understand the reasons of her timid personality. I even got frustrated by how she would talk against someone in front of me yet be nice to them on the face. She would always say, “bana kr rakhni hoti hai, tumhari family choti hai na, tmhay nahi pata. zaruri hoti hai, ese such bol kr nahi guzarti zindagi”. I guess what I am trying to say is that her whole existence was almost non-existent because of her family board.
The first time, I noticed her insecurities was when I ate an apple out in the open. It’s not a big deal to eat an apple in the university ground, right? Yet, she was so impressed by how I just didn’t care about what others might think of me. In time, she opened up.
Her younger sister was born almost instantly after her birth, she was still gaining her consciousness when she came across another baby. Her mother focused on the new born baby, for obvious reasons, leaving her to her elder brothers to look after. Her oldest brother then took it unto himself to care for her. He is the one she remembered in everything. From changing her diapers to lulling her to sleep, it was all her brother(s). So, although, I am pretty sure Aunty had no intention for her baby girl to turn out as a human being filled with uncertainties and hurt. She was neglected, wasn’t she? As for her father, he was hardly ever available for any of his children. Busy creating a business empire.
The consequences? She used to cut herself. The cuts used to be so deep, I actually got frightened for her once or twice. It was her form of gratification. Once, I asked her how she got the heart to go this deep. I never expressed too much surprise because if I ever had she would never have shared her heart out to me. Anyhow, she said that she was so sad about something that she started jabbing a pen in her arm. She started slow … got fast. Lost control. Her mother came in and saw her hurting herself (yet again) and stopped her by slapping on her face and then back. The mother then after beating her – caressed her up a bit and asked her not to do so again.
Her exact words were k if you love me – you won’t do it again. The thing is aunty jee – you can NOT ask someone to humanise themselves in their eyes by forcing them to show you your value. Instead of her mother telling her that she shouldn’t hate herself so much that she felt gratified by this what does she say? Rather than asking her why does she seek comfort in pain even what does she say? “Menu pyar krdi hai tay ainda na karin esa” Kudos.
The point of this story is to help everyone understand their middle sibling’s feelings. More or less – each one goes through something similar esp. if you are a big family. My friend used to love her younger sisters yet feel burdened by their existence as well. She even felt scared of them sometimes and once told me that her whole family loved the one who was a year younger to her. She would tell me how beautiful the younger one was and how ugly she herself was. Too much insecurity, I tell you. Such people are the ones that need a lot of love and support to overcome their ordeals. Please, be nice to those around you – you never know what might be eating them up from the inside.
Chaaon – Sab k Liye’s Analysis: This story showcases a Physiological abuse for the child at an early age. The child was traumatized by feelings of neglect and abandonment. If a fully grown human ever comes across such feelings – they can wreck havoc. What do you think happens to children in such cases? If you’re a GOT fan then Ramsey Bolton is the perfect example for you to understand how neglect and abandonment issues can take over a human’s whole personality. Spread awareness, as much as you can, about this – we will be uploading a series about neglect with the help of our trainers soon. If you’d like to write something anonymously as well, click here, for details.